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| Sigh |
| 01.30.04 (4:45 am) [edit] |
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Yay! Time for bed. I really hope all this effort was worth it. I really want that A in Government. Must get the grades to see Frank again... Good night everybody.
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| Angelic Rush |
| 01.28.04 (11:21 pm) [edit] |
You are one of the few out there whose wings are
truly ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and
divine, you are one blessed with a certain
cosmic grace. You are unequalled in
peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of
Light your wings are massive and a soft white
or silver. Countless feathers grace them and
radiate the light within you for all the world
to see. You are a defender, protector, and
caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver
of the wrong, chances are you are taken
advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.
But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in
everyone and so this mistreatment does not make
you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will
try to help misguided souls find themselves and
peace. However not all Angelics allow
themselves to be gotten the better of - the
Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting
for the sake of Justice and protection of those
less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever
change - the world needs more people like you.
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
Dark magician. You love the dark because of it's
beauty and just the life that no-one else sees.
Mysterious, calm, quiet... But that doesn't
mean you're not friendly!
What kind of dark person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| Internally, Externally |
| 01.28.04 (3:33 pm) [edit] |
I give up trying to analyze myself. It's always easy to say something like, "Well, you're opposite me. I tend to do this and that, and so on, isn't it sooo cool how we're like sooo different?" But you know, I thought if I had time to myself I could try to figure out what kind of person I am. And once I develop my interior personality, my external life will grow from there. So until I become who I want to be, I don't feel ready to jump into the world yet, I'm not ready to form my own opinions and stand up for myself.
But I think I've discovered something. Actions really do speak louder than words, and it's not just what I [i]say[/i] about myself that helps me figure out who the hell I am. It's what I do to [i]prove[/i] I am what I am... prove it to everybody else, but more importantly prove it to myself. I can't sit here and try to analyze myself and hope that I'll magically develop a good personality by figuring out what makes a good personality. No, I gotta go [i]do[/i] the right thing and [i]prove[/i] I have a good personality. Let's face it, I'm an immature ignorant little teenager who's in the middle of [i]changing[/i]. [i]But at least I know I'm ignorant.[/i] People change, you change, I change, we all grow, get over it. Once I [i]think[/i] I can make a long-term statement about myself, it ends up not being true in like a few days, because I'm a fickle hypocrite like that. And then all that time I spent thinking about who I am just goes down the drain.
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| Save Tonight |
| 01.27.04 (5:58 pm) [edit] |
A song. Not just words with music in the background with feelings thrown into the mix. A song is a [i]camera[/i], that's what it is. It captures a single moment in your life, a single moment you can remember not by [i]seeing[/i] it, but by [i]hearing[/i] it. Sometimes people go, "I don't like this song, it brings back bad memories." What's a song about your evil parents got to do with your ex-boyfriend? [i]Absolutely nothing[/i]. Once the notes capture a memory into its rolling melody, suddenly everything else doesn't matter anymore.
I really try to hold onto what I have, what I can still remember... All the songs that didn't seem important at the time now hold feelings and memories for me. I just have to click "play" and I can see and feel those moments all over again. Leaning against him in the car and touching his face for the first time, slow-dancing in the computer room, his face nestled over my shoulder, my face buried into his neck, the warmth, the smells, the sounds... Liz Phair, Hoobastank, Mandy Moore and Johnathan Foreman, Savage Garden, Utada Hikaru, Eagle Eye Cherry...
[i]Music is the essence.[/i] It's true.
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| It's About Time |
| 01.26.04 (6:15 pm) [edit] |
I hate you, I love you
I just can't remember to forget you
Who are you? I need you
You make me feel alive, I die, so high
I'm crawling on the ground and I found I can fly
One of these days, it all comes together
One of those days that goes on forever
Think it sounds crazy?
Maybe, whatever
What's it all about it?
It's about life, it's about fun
It's over before it has begun
It's about you, it's about me
It's about everything between
And I say,
I'm saying good-bye to you, I say hi to you with no clue
It's about time that I make up my mind
It's simple, confusing
The truth is I'm winning, but I'm losing
I'm pulling and pushing won't do me any good, it could, it should
I'm honest to myself that the truth is, I lied
Time is creeping behind me
Surrounding around me
Begging the words so desperately
Now give me a reason
That I can believe in
Time is something you can't rewind
It's about life, it's about fun
It's about you, it's about me
I'm saying good-bye to you,
I say hi to you with no clue
It's about time that I make up my mind
[i]It's About Time[/i]
by Lillix
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| Quiz Diva |
| 01.24.04 (2:59 pm) [edit] |
You Are Classy Sexy!
You are a perfect lady - from your ultra feminine style to your impeccable manners. You are graceful in every situation, and you always win everyone over with your charm. Your beauty is understated but known by all. You don't need cheap tricks to get attention. You may not attract most modern men, but it's worth waiting for your perfect gentleman.
What Kind of Sexy Are *You*?
You'll Fall in Love With A Libra!
You value a drama free relationship, one which a natural pleaser Libra can provide. Your Libra wants nothing more than to be in love with you - and make you happy. While indecisive Libra may take a while to fall for you, once he / she does ... it's forever.
What Sign Should Your Lover Be?
Your Hottest Body Part is Your Hair!
You make men growl with that fabulous mane. You can work it by swinging it on the dance floor or mussing it in bed during hot sex. Want to play up your hair even more? Wear simple makeup and tops, so that your flowing hair is the main attraction.
What's Your Hottest Body Part??
You Are A Redhead!
Fun, innocent and flirty, guys are drawn to your firey ways.
Your fun personality drives the men wild, and they just can't enough of you! With that girl-next-door charm and those bright eyes, you can get what you want in a snap...
What's *Your* Inner Hair Color?
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| Getting Fat |
| 01.24.04 (1:56 pm) [edit] |
I've been eating frosting all day. I think half the tub is gone now. I have some [i]serious[/i] running to do if I'm gonna burn all these calories off. My stomach has been slightly nauseated all day, even before I started eating the frosting, but stupidly I decided to eat frosting anyways and make myself sick.
I've made the time capsule, but I don't know if I should keep everything in it. I like keeping some items in my purse too, so I can remember everything and feel less alone. I'm a little crazy but I got my digital camera out and took like five pictures of the videogame we played in the same spot it was in when we played it. It really [i]is[/i] hard to believe everything that happened, because I never left home, so for all I know I could've imagined everything in my head. But the little things, the little signs and physical traces left behind... I was anticipating the pain of his absence, but it didn't occur that I'd be also be able to laugh and smile as well as cry because the memories are so sweet. You just don't know how incredibly good it feels to see proof of [i]us[/i]... [i]That we exist, that our hearts are real.[/i]
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| I Knew I Loved You |
| 01.24.04 (1:33 pm) [edit] |
Maybe it's intuition,
Some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes, I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe,
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
There's just no rhyme or reason,
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes, I see the missing pieces I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe,
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you
[i]I Knew I Loved You[/i]
by Savage Garden
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| Tub of Cream |
| 01.23.04 (6:59 pm) [edit] |
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I remember why I bought the tub of Vanilla Frosting at the gas station the other day now. It's not just because I was nostalgic, but also because I was a sad lonely little fool. It's nice opening a giant tub of frosting and seeing that you still have plenty left to go. That way you know you haven't lost everything. Always some left, always something to do.
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| Envy |
| 01.22.04 (11:44 pm) [edit] |
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This friend on the left. Envy. That person on the right. Envy. It's like I have to watch what I say all the time, because now instead of people laughing, it seems like it strikes a longing within people to know what happened with us this weekend, to know that we love eachother so much. They're happy for me, but why can't it happen to them? Why do I get to be so lucky? "I want a guy that sweet." And, "I wish someone cared about me like that." I don't know what to say, but honestly, there's nothing I can do for them. We all know what it feels like to be lonely and long for it, crushing left and right on random strangers and anyone who's slightly potential. There's nothing you can really do about it except let time heal it on its own... Distract yourself somehow, away from the pain and desire. Don't give into it. For some reason I've been blogging a lot tonight in this blog.
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| Keep It Together |
| 01.22.04 (11:04 pm) [edit] |
Well, is she still? Is she still diving and plunging? Is she still drowning and splashing? Screaming and yelling? No, no, not at all. What is she doing? Is she smiling? No. Is she sad? No. She's crying. Oh, but crying? [i]Why?[/i]
Because it's back to the old days again... The days she stayed up because she was lonely. [i]But I'm not lonely[/i]. But I [i]am[/i]. It's another long lonely night. Oh, but it's [i]not.[/i]
I wonder how I'm going to last like this. Just hold on and be strong. It's not the end yet...
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| Come Back to Me |
| 01.22.04 (10:26 pm) [edit] |
I had a dream last night. [i]You were in it, you know[/i]. It was the most wonderful dream ever. A touch, a hug, a grasp, a kiss. Best of all, a gentle whisper from me to you and you to me... [i]I love you[/i]. When I woke up the next morning, I grasped at my necklace and there was the ring you slipped onto my chain in my dream. [i]It wasn't a dream, was it.[/i]
A sense of affection, devotion, completion. A part of me missing, a part of me gone away with you. But the emptiness, the gap, it's not really a gap at all. It's filled by a missing part of you that I took away too. We're a part of eachother, you know.
They've always laughed at us, but now they have to see the truth. [i]There's nothing to laugh about anymore.[/i] We had a dream, and we made it come true. We had our fantasies, and we turned them into a reality. Now that I'm with you I know that anything's possible. Everything's possible if we believe.
Time gives us strength...
The strength to wait, the strength to hope, the strength to endure time itself. I'll always be waiting until the day we see eachother again. I miss you... [i]come back to me[/i].
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| From Dream to Reality |
| 01.21.04 (4:55 pm) [edit] |
I'm feeling rather good right now. Something about the last few days. It's been so easy to walk around and just be myself... Suddenly it doesn't matter what I look like or what people think about who I am. It doesn't matter about [i]trying[/i] anymore, cause now, I'm just me, and I'm proud of it, because I'm in love and someone loves me for just being me.
I can still feel his fingers rubbing off my lip gloss, and I can still hear his voice asking, "Who are you putting that on for?" And the [i]smile[/i], that amazing smile... The way he turns his head, those eyes and pretty lashes, the kisses that take my breath away...
It's like he's not so faraway anymore... he's not [i]here[/i], but he's still with me. Before I fall asleep at night, I crawl around the spot in which he laid and curl up... his scent is still on my blanket. Sometimes it's hard to believe that everything actually happened, that he was actually here and holding me, that it's not too good to be true. He came and left like the wind, but so many traces are left behind, things that I can grasp, things that let me [i]know[/i] he's real...
His ring on my necklace, his username on my MSN messenger pull-down menu, his smell on my pillow, the vivid memories of his touch... The songs we listened to, the Sprite bottle we shared, the gum we chewed, two pennies, the scent on my unwashed clothes, the pen he wrote with, a little piece of paper that says "Frank was here. 1/19/03"
My webcam is still positioned the way we had it, so that we'd both fit onto it... I'm afraid to check my email because his email address is sitting so peacefully on the login page.
I wanna keep as many traces of him as possible, because it feels so [i]good[/i] to grasp and hold onto the fact that he's not just a wonderful dream... he's [i]real[/i].
![]() =http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2...
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| Dissappear |
| 01.12.04 (6:05 pm) [edit] |
The anticipation. [i]Waiting and waiting for you.[/i] Time goes by so slowly, but time can do so much. It's paranoia, it's nerve-racking, it's hope and desire and fear... I don't want to wait, but I need this time. [i]You know I can't stop loving you.[/i]
The dissipation. What will I do? What will I do in a world without you... [i]Ask yourself why.[/i] From dream to reality, can you feel it coming? It feels like a happy ending but it's only the beginning.
The day you dissappear is when the journey begins, the journey to find you again... But you know I'll always keep searching, you know I'll never let go.
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