Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2005 February
2005 January
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
2004 March
2004 February
2004 January
2003 December
2003 November
2003 October
2003 September
2003 August
2003 July
2003 June
My Links
Jeris
Faith82
Cyriistar
Jetta
Acquiesce
Dhsmeg87
Watchful Guardian
Brainless Dog
Night Queen
Minou
Rachel
Cunfuzzled
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
|
| Leaping the Year |
| 02.29.04 (6:35 pm) [edit] |
![]() =http://img21.photobucket.com/...
|
|
|
| |
| Intimacy Out |
| 02.29.04 (11:38 am) [edit] |
I get the feeling that me and my group of friends here are nothing but a bunch of misfits thrown together. And the thing is, maybe we're even misfits to eachother. It feels like each of us feels limited by the other, because we all want such different things outta life. Number One wants to be popular, but none of us wanna follow her into the spotlight. Number Two hates conformity, but the rest of us wanna jump on the bandwagon sometimes. Number Three is hardcore focused on academics, but none of us ever wanna talk about school. Number Four, she just wants friends. But she's not comfortable with One, Two, or Three. I am number Four.
We have other groups we hang around with, that seem to satisfy a side to us that doesn't surface when we're with eachother. It's like, none of us can be natural around eachother, or something.
I could be overreacting like I always am. There are certain people who I'm growing attached to, and I feel kinda disappointed when they leave the room. It's a feeling I haven't felt in a really long time, but I'm too shy to even try. I don't know how my self confidence managed to go down the drain over the last year and a half. I wasn't this bad when I first came here, and now I'm just hiding and shaping out to be this unnatural stupid person that I hate being. I think too much. I just wanna be myself again. What's so hard about that?
|
|
|
| |
| Distorted Eyes |
| 02.26.04 (10:06 pm) [edit] |
|
I don't use red, yellow, and white when I'm mixing skin color to paint. I don't use brown, either. Usually I use red, yellow, white, brown, green, blue, and purple to mix my skin colors... Yeah, pretty much all the colors. Cause whenever I look at skin, even though I see a red-yellow color with my eyes, I feel that it's every color possible blended in to make the peachy tone we see. It's vibrant, radiant, vivid, colorful. And life is a colorful thing... if you let it be, anyways.
|
|
|
| |
| A Folded World |
| 02.24.04 (3:34 pm) [edit] |
When I'm having fun, I forget all the bad things and think about the good things. But somewhere along the lines I remember the bad things again.
I'm starting to see that a lot of things in this world are just fucked up... And why am I even complaining? I haven't gotten anywhere near the worst of it. My life is fine. But it's not my life I've been thinking about, honestly. I hate watching everything around me going on, seeing how other things affect other people. Girls and guys in the halls laughing and joking like nothing happened and I just gotta wonder, "Is that a fascade? Well, who cares? Then, maybe I'm too sensitive?"
It's like the world is unfolding before my eyes and showing me things I never wanted to think about before. It makes me wish I was a little kid all over again sometimes. Knowing nothing about anything. Never thinking about anything.
|
|
|
| |
| Answer the Phone |
| 02.24.04 (3:33 pm) [edit] |
Quick notes entered into my cell phone while I was away from pen, paper, a decent light source, and my computer.
2.13.04. I'm finally starting to understand how it feels to try so hard and, well, fail. I feel so worthelss here. Like i cant do anything right
2.23.04. I've never been so scared before. I keep hearing noises and theyre so frightening... I'm even crying. I feel sick. Perhaps i am just disorientated from lack of sleep and lack of Frank... Oh, i want him here with me so much. im so scared...
|
|
|
| |
| New Layout | v.8 Nowhere Near Home |
| 02.21.04 (1:12 am) [edit] |
![]() =http://img21.photobucket.com/...
I spent all this effort making an avatar, then I find out we're not allowed to use avatars on tblog anymore unless we're pro-users. Damn the man! I guess it can't hurt to stick an avatar in the hard way: manually.
Current layout features and was inspired by All Saint's Black Coffee, one of my favorite songs ever. I was getting really, really, irritated and bored with my other layout.
|
|
|
| |
| Nowhere Near Home |
| 02.18.04 (1:14 am) [edit] |
![]() =http://img21.photobucket.com/... width=400
|
|
|
| |
| Bent Priorities |
| 02.15.04 (12:07 am) [edit] |
I'm too scared to stand up in front of people and make a speech. But I'm crazy enough to sneak around with a blunt weapon if I hear a suspicious noise. I spaz out and get flinchy and nervous when I'm stressed over next period's test. But I stay amazingly calm when I'm heading down a dark empty corridor alone at night.
Brave? Try "stupid." Maybe the more threatening circumstances trigger a side to me that I didn't think existed. But, personally, I think I just have my priorities messed up. Really messed up.
|
|
|
| |
| Something More |
| 02.14.04 (11:34 pm) [edit] |
My old handwritten journal. Unknown date. 2002.
Sometimes...
I feel like I'm not supposed to be here.
Like something's missing
Like there should be something more...
Sometimes I feel like my life was destined for something so much greater than this.
No, I don't feel it...
I know it.
|
|
|
| |
| Insight, Foresight |
| 02.11.04 (11:53 pm) [edit] |
Got this in an email.
Your Life
[x] they call me: Aivi. Like "Ivy" not "Aevi".
[x] sex: Female
[x] my first breath of air: Nov 17 86
[x] status: Taken and damn happy
[x] occupation: HS Senior
[x] best friends: Steph my bestest buddy in the whole world... Frank my boyfriend/bestfriend/ever ythingfriend... and people...
_______Rewind_______
[x] most memorable memory: Everything crammed between January 17-19 2004
[x] worst?: Everything crammed between August 23 2002 and May 7 2003
[x] first word uttered: "Mum"
[x] first best friend ever!?: Jenn in 5th grade
_______Love?_______
[x] love is: Like oxygen
[x] first love: Frank
[x] love or lust?: Love
[x] best love song: Only You
[x] when love hurts, you: Cry, scream, hit things... and ramble nonsense into my blog.
[x] true or false: all you need is love: Alllllmost true... there's other shit you gotta worry about like food and water!
[x] is there such thing as love @ first sight?: I don't believe in it but I suppose there could be...
_______Opposite Sex_______
[x] turn ons: Eyes, smile, voice, personality
[x] do your parent's opinion on your bf/gf matter to you?: Nah. I'd prefer if they were happy with my boyfriend but they can't influence how I feel about him
[x] what kinda hair style?: Something natural
[x] the sweetest thing a member of the opposite sex can do for you?: Treat me like Frank does.
[x] where do you go to meet new people? Umm... no!
[x] are you the type of person to HOLLER and ask for numbers?: Nooo...
_______Picky Picky_______
[x] dog or cat: Cat
[x] short or long hair: For the cat? I don't care, as long as it's soft and fluffy
[x] sunshine or rain: Rain
[x] moon or sun: Moon
[x] hugs or kisses: Both are nice. Kisses are addictive.
[x] 1 best friend or 10 acquaintances: 1 best friend
[x] summer or winter: Summer
[x] written letters or e-mails: Both, I like some variety in my life.
[x] playstation or nintendo: Nintendo
[x] car or motorcycle: Car
[x] house party or club: House party
[x] sing or dance: Can't do either very well but I go with the thing that doesn't require moving
[x] freak or slow dance: Slow
_______Lately_______
[x] how are you today? Blank
[x] what pants are you wearing right now? I am wearing a skirt
[x] What shirt are you wearing right now? A black long-sleeved shirt with a royal blue hooded zipper t-shirt over it
[x] what does your hair look like at the moment? Free and natural, tucked behind my ears
[x] what song are u listening to right now? Total silence
[x] how is the weather right now? Dark. I dunno what the hell's going on outside.
[x] last person you talked to on the phone? Frank
[x] last dream you can remember? Was having an amazing and wonderful time with Frank until raped by a horny old Asian man while boarding a train.
[x] who are you talking to right now? Myself
[x] what time is it? 11:30
_______More About YOU!_______
[x] what are the last four digits of your phone number? 1335 [cell]
[x] if u were a crayon, what colors would you be? Sky Blue, Cerulea, or Silver
[x] have you ever almost died? No, I'm careful.
[x] do u like the person that sent u this? Yeah. My bestest buddy.
[x] what's the next CD you are going to buy? What am I, psychic?
[x] what's the best advice ever given to you? "You don't need a head start to get ahead." - Dad
[x] have u ever won any special award? Yeah... the "Even When She's Loud, She's Quiet" and "4th Place Scariest Lips" in 7th Grade. And some other cool shit like stuff in art academics and 3rd in state for a music composing competition.
[x] what's the stupidest thing u have ever done? Too many to remember, I do something stupid everyday.
[x] how many kids do you want to have? Probably 1 or 2
[x] shampoo? Herbal Essences
[x] what are you most scared of? 1) Rejection 2) Disappointing/losing my lo)ver 3) Never actually living or learning and being trapped here for the rest of my life
[x] how many TV's do you have in your house? 2
[x] do you have your own TV? No
[x] have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone? No
[x] who do you dream about? Frank my sexy
[x] who do you tell your dreams to? ...Frank my sexy
[x] who's the loudest friend you have? Jocelyn
[x] who's the quietest friend?? I dunno... I'm the quietest of my friends usually.
|
|
|
| |
| Traveler's Diary |
| 02.11.04 (10:23 pm) [edit] |
A few months before I moved here, I started a fresh notebook that was supposed to be my traveling log. A log of random thoughts and stuff I'd write down everytime I was on an airplane. I figured I'd be traveling a lot for a few more years, so why not? Yeah, I was damn wrong.
6/15/02
...I bet she's really special,
that new girl by your side
Gotta watch you from a window
with all these tears I try to hide
I wanna say I'm sorry
for what I put you through
It's hard to move on
cause all I want is you
...written back in March 2002... ...not important now but it was at the time... I'm glad he's happy... ...I'm strong enough to move on...
6/15/02
We're ascending into a blue mist...
Lights twinkling
A vast field
Abrupt shards of the earth
patched together
so crooked, so crude
Dark clouds stretching past my window
Cold wind howls on the right wing,
lost and drowning in the fog
Watercolor blue sky
Color bleeding orange
One thick smudge of shadow
Faint glowing city in the distance
Dusk falls on us,
A bird of metal,
wanderer of the endlessly night sky
6/15/02
[concerning the flight from Hong Kong to Los Angeles] Y'know, a few years ago, this would've been really exciting.
6/15/02
I have white stuff on my lips. ...13 years, 5 months, and 2 days... ...Of course by then [My Lan] will be pregnant with a Yeo baby...
6/15/02
How the bloody hell am I growing a unibrow?
6/15/02
If I got married, what last name would sound cooler?
Newsome [1 vote]
O'Reily [3 votes]
McLay [1 vote]
Bingham
Krueger [1 vote]
Kraprayoon ... hehe, is that really JJ's last name?
Haynes [1 vote]
Hsiang
Kwan
Von Detten [1 vote]
Reed
Khenori [1 vote]
6/16/02
My mind has wandered to a distant corner of the far... Screw it. My mind is dead.
6/16/02
Don't forget to do the Star Hyrule Theme (MC's birthday!)
And then a few hours later, we landed.
|
|
|
| |
| Runway Echoes |
| 02.11.04 (9:57 pm) [edit] |
Getting so bad at this...
Lonely, lonely, lonely. You know how it goes; the more I'm around them here, the lonelier I feel, the more I miss the others there...
"Dear Diary, today I discovered that I'm pretty fucking ugly on the inside too." - Johnny
The sound of an airplane passing overhead, a slowly rumbling fading from the right side of my head to the left. I haven't been on an airplane for over a year and it upsets me. Airplanes are a big part of my life. To go somewhere. To watch someone come here. Always the humming of engines on the runway. Being on an airplane was such a big part of my life, to take that away feels like tearing off my wings. I'm grounded and trapped here.
|
|
|
| |
| Reminiscent |
| 02.10.04 (10:16 pm) [edit] |
Your scent is in the air. I'm not gonna let myself go, not like this. I'll be strong for you. I can't wait to see you again.
Thinking about last night's dream still sends a chill up my spine. It felt so real... So real because it started off as a wonderful dream. My head was off in the clouds and I was so happy, and then that one thing happened so unexpectedly... [i]unpredictable, just like real life.[/i] You know how in dreams you can sense whether it's supposed to be a dream or nightmare? In this dream, I couldn't sense any of that at all. Things happened and I reacted, the way I would in real life. That's what made the nightmare portion of the dream so terrifying, and the dream portion so perfect...
Being with Frank was so incredible in that dream... It made me miss him so much. It's not like we did anything outrageous. We just walked, talked, joked, laughed, held eachother. Exactly the way it was when he was here. Although who knows what might've happened if we had gotten off the train safely, haha.
It felt so real... I can't get it off my mind.
|
|
|
| |
| Boarding the Train |
| 02.10.04 (3:36 am) [edit] |
I...
Dream... nightmare...
I shot awake before the worst could happen, I suppose.
Checked the time, thought, wow, Frank is awake around now... maybe I'll see him... but maybe not...
He was in it... very much involved in it... I love him.
I'll... probably crawl back into bed after I've... calmed down.
It seemed so real... very real... because it stayed exactly true to my actual physical and mental characteristics... and with the things that happened I reacted exactly the way I would've... And the things that happened were all very realistic, mostly...
And Frank was so real in that dream... he was so wonderful... God, I just...
When I woke up my heart was racing and I wanted to bury my face into him and just cry and breathe a sigh of relief...
When I woke up before my dream, 2 hours ago, I found My Lan gone... she wasn't in the bathroom. I looked around the house but didn't see her... probably disappeared into my mom's room, but I still got nervous anyway.
Meh, my cell phone is ringing... number unknown... probably somebody from my dad's work trying to reach him.
Well... I guess I feel a little better typing and calming my nerves... My stomach feels a bit nauseated though.
That dream... something odd about it. So real...
I'll probably forget all about it as the day goes by...
Storm outside, wind's being a bitch...
Sweet dreams everyone.
|
|
|
| |
| Sound of my Soul |
| 02.09.04 (9:45 pm) [edit] |
My playlist. My mirror.
Spirited Away - The Sixth Station
Staind - It's Been Awhile
Smashing Pumpkins - 1979
DJ Shadow - Midnight in a Perfect World
Robbie Williams - Eternity
Coldplay - Don't Panic
Liz Phaire - Extraordinary
Mandy Moore - Cry
|
|
|
| |
| Like a Piece of Dust |
| 02.09.04 (8:58 pm) [edit] |
|
I feel so useless. Like if I suddenly left this house there wouldn't be much of a difference. Maybe I overestimate my worth in this family. Honestly, I never do anything much for them.
|
|
|
| |
| Loser |
| 02.09.04 (3:18 pm) [edit] |
I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something but nothing comes to mind... I don't know. I took Frank's suggestion of trying to make something for someone I care about. It sounded good at the time, but when I was faced with actually doing it, I wanted to scream and kill something and cry like there'd be no tomorrow. Feels so empty trying to fill my mind with what isn't actually here. I can't think about the present without remembering the past, and I just wanna take off running down the street the way I did before. Everything feels so fake...
I really miss my old friends. I'm talking to Winston right now, and he's purposely keeping me busy with other things to think about, like if you put Na+ or K+ in your mouth supposedly your head will explode. I keep thinking I could jump on my bike and head over to Steph's house, but then I remember nobody's [i]here[/i] and things won't ever be the same again. It took about 5 years to get close to my friends in Asia. It'd be impossible to have friendships of the same quality in less than half that amount of time with the people I know here.
You know, I don't think it's so much the fact that I'm bored off my ass right now. I'm just really lonely.
|
|
|
| |
| A Self-Taught Lesson in Music |
| 02.09.04 (12:18 pm) [edit] |
Here's a little something I discovered about composing music. Everytime I lay down an instrument it's more than just, "How do I make this a good background instrument to the main tune?" It's also, "How do I make this instrument sound good [i]by itself[/i]?"
Everytime I sit there mentally pulling apart the songs I listen to, I realize how awesome each thing sounds by itself. Every instrument has a different personality and purpose. A different sound, a different reason to be stuck in that song to start with.
The listeners might not really realize how much effort was put into everything else about the song, and just pay attention to the main bastard of a melody... But that's the secret beauty behind it. Everything flows together so naturally you don't even notice it's there, and where one instrument falls short, another one fills in. It keeps the song going.
God, I sound so corny. Maybe I look too deeply into it. Music, art, and all those things I like to do, they all come from the heart... And the heart says a lot. Creation is just amazing like that.
|
|
|
| |
| Snagged |
| 02.09.04 (12:19 am) [edit] |
Stole this off Watchful Guardian's blog, who stole it off A Beautiful Disaster's blog, and... yeah, I stole it, because I didn't ask for permission. Mew! Sue me.
: x : name = Aivi
: x : piercings = Ears
: x : tattoos = None
: x : height= 5'3"
: x : shoe size = 6 1/2
: x : hair color = Dark brownish-black
: x : siblings = 3 little sisters
LAST...
: x : movie you rented = Second Hand Lions
: x : movie you bought = Pirates of the Caribbean
: x : song you listened to = Someday by Nickelback
: x : song that was stuck in your head = The World Is Not Enough by Garbage
: x : cd you bought = Falling Uphill by Lillix
: x : cd you listened to = Spirited Away Original Soundtrack
: x : person you've called = Frank!
: x : person that's called you = Umm... Frank!
: x : tv show you've watched = ... I don't remember. I mean, it was 3 weeks ago.
: x : person you were thinking of = ...Frank...
DO...
: x : you have a crush on someone = Screw that. I love him.
: x : you wish you could live somewhere else = I do, but I don't have anywhere to go... Moving a lot messes up your perception of residence and travel. It's not like I'd be happier anywhere else, I'd feel just as strange and not-at-home as I am here.
: x : you think about suicide = Never
: x : you believe in online dating = It happens. Like with all relationships, there's a chance it will work, or not work. Online dating, blind date, personals, what's the difference... love is love.
: x : others find you attractive = ... Well, I'd love to tell you "no" but then I'd get smacked.
: x : you want more piercings = Not really
: x : you like cleaning = Ah... um... suuure... I like cleaning but I'm too lazy to do it.
: x : you like roller coasters = Hell yes. The heart of the park.
: x : you write in cursive or print = Depends on zeh mood!
FOR OR AGAINST...
: x : long distance relationships = If it's worth the tears.
: x : using someone = It's evil but it happens...
: x : suicide = Me no likey.
: x : killing people = Killing is baaad.
: x : teenage smoking = Your life, your choice, your fault
: x : driving drunk = Very much against
: x : gay/lesbian relationships = Love should never be considered a crime.
: x : soap operas = Oh, sorrow!
HAVE YOU...
: x : ever cried over a girl = Yesh. My friends.
: x : ever cried over a boy = All the time...
: x : ever lied to someone = Course.
: x : ever been in a fist fight = Nooo. I am peaceful.
: x : ever been arrested = Never! Mwaha!
WHAT...
: x : shampoo do you use = Herbal Essences
: x : shoes do you wear = Leather sneakers, black boots, platform sandals...
: x : are you scared of = Disappointing the people I love
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
: x : pretty – Um, I try to be.
: x : funny – No.
: x : hot – Dude, are you crazy? Nobody gets hot in winter.
: x : friendly – I'm not good with people... ^^;
: x : amusing – I'm easily amused by myself.
: x : ugly – Sometimes it's natural.
: x : loveable – Mew! ^-^ ...*cough* Mebbe.
: x : caring – To an extent... I don't care about the world, just the people around me.
: x : sweet – I can be.
: x : dorky – I dunno... I'm sensitive and sappy though.
|
|
|
| |
| Phantoms of Heart |
| 02.08.04 (11:16 pm) [edit] |
![]() =http://www.angelfire.com/fang...
|
|
|
| |
| Somewhere I Belong |
| 02.08.04 (10:18 pm) [edit] |
Aivi. Mylan. Quynh. Thu. The inseparable sisters. All artistic, all struggling for the grades, all trying to make mommy and daddy proud. All living under the same roof... Each having her own thoughts, own problems, own style. Has this not been obvious enough? What's so surprising about the differences? Take one glance and say, "Four girls? How sweet. I suppose you all love being around eachother. I suppose you all like the same things too, and the same clothes. Don't you all love dressing the same? You all look so adorable in your matching pink-and-white striped dresses."
Get over it. We're all growing up and the things that make us unique are becoming more obvious... The way we talk, how we act, how we dress and decorate our halves of the rooms. Age? If you took away our physical traits, could you really tell who was the oldest? You can't. Not really.
We don't talk to eachother about that kind of thing, though. How each of us feels about being in this house, nobody knows. We all act like it's the best thing in the world. There is love, but lately it seems like an isolated kind of love.
[i]It's not what it used to be[/i].
Tight bonds are slowly fading. The openness that was never necessary neither grows nor shrinks, and the more crowded our heads get, the more we have to conceal.
Sometimes it feels fake being here.
[i]But why?[/i]
Why doesn't everything feel the same way as before...?
Why don't I kiss my mom goodnight anymore? Why didn't she care the last time I did? Why don't I feel the same love and affection I did when I hugged her last month?
When was the last time I joked with my sisters? Why can't we sit around talking about stupid stuff like we always do?
Is it the family... [i]or is it just me[/i]?
Why am I growing into somebody I don't want to be?
[i]Why doesn't this feel like home?[/i]
When I was in 5th grade, my home was this very house I stand in now. Moving all the time, I was taught that home isn't the name of a town or a street. "Home" is whatever house you're in at the moment.
It's not even like that anymore. "Home" isn't even a real word to me. To me, "home" is simply a term that means, "where you're staying at the moment." I always claim I'm "going home" when I'm somewhere else, heading back to the hotel. In that moment, the hotel is my "home..." Home has no place, it's simply where your family is.
But now... is it even that? This city, this house certainly doesn't feel like much of a "home" to me. But worst of all, I'm having trouble grasping the fact that I belong here with my family.
And that scares me, because, if I don't belong with my family... then where [i]do[/i] I belong?
|
|
|
| |
| Barefoot |
| 02.08.04 (5:19 pm) [edit] |
Not entirely... I mean... I'm not much of a leader, because then you'd be stuck with the responsibility of leading other people you know? So much for being "free," heheh.
Barefoot- free, rebellious, and wild, you hate
boundries and rules. You tend to be on the
crazy side and often sweep people up along with
you. You are most likely the leader of your
group of friends.
What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
|
|
|
| |
| Silver Moonlight |
| 02.08.04 (5:03 pm) [edit] |
You are the silver moonlight. You have a deep soul.
Many people call you mysterious but they just
don't know you. You are often alone but shine
hope on every one else. People look up to you
and call to you for advice. You have been
betrayed but you have forgaven them. Your faith
in life has made you an inspiration to us all.
You are intelligent, quiet, beautiful, and
kind. You will become very sucessful. Your
dream career could maybe deal with the joy of
music. Keep up the spirit and let your mind
drift to the shining hope of the silver moon.
What shade of moonlight are you? (Boys or Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla
|
|
|
| |
| Bottom of the Jar |
| 02.05.04 (11:29 pm) [edit] |
|
My tub of frosting is almost gone. I didn't eat most of it, cause most of it was stolen from me. It's sad looking into the tub and seeing the bottom. I suppose it's the end of one thing, and the start of another... But you see, with tubs of frosting, you can only see the end. You don't know where the next thing is gonna start.
|
|
|
| |
| Plunge Back |
| 02.05.04 (11:18 pm) [edit] |
Slowly tipping backwards. Reaching for you, grasping you, but you lose your balance. The memory flashes back, and these are the same thoughts from long ago. [i]What's the point anymore? What am I doing? What's wrong with me? I've never felt so alone...[/i]
[i]The bodies fall.[/i] I don't know what to do. I'm lost without you, and without you I realize all over again everything you've done for me in the last nine months... Without you, I'm nothing. Without you, I'm a [i]failure.[/i]
The strength to fly, the strength to carry you, where is it? I feel so weak. One prick, a giant blow. One word, a stream of tears. [i]Retaliation.[/i] Mutilation. Excavation. [i]Suffocation.[/i]
Words unspoken... and words nonexistant. Fall with me, don't leave me now. Don't leave me when I need you most.
|
|
|
| |
| Welcome to Hell |
| 02.03.04 (11:30 pm) [edit] |
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
Haha, wow, I'm down there pretty deep. I'm so bad.
I love my Frank.
'But..Why is the rum gone?'- A tad clueless aren't
you? You need to pay attention to the world
around you just a little bit more.
Which of Captain Jack Sparrow's Quotes are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
|
|
|
| |
| My Trusted Stranger |
| 02.02.04 (6:35 pm) [edit] |
It's funny how sometimes you can pour your soul out to a total stranger but you can't tell things to the people closest to you. I dunno why it works that way. A stranger doesn't have a history of "you can trust me"... but then again, a stranger doesn't have a history of "I blabbed" or "I think you're an idiot" either. With strangers, they don't know you, and the thing is they [i]know[/i] they don't know you.
I mean, almost all [i]you[/i] people are strangers... [i]aren't you[/i]?
|
|
|
| |
| Hypocrite's Confession |
| 02.02.04 (4:32 pm) [edit] |
|
I don't get myself sometimes. I say I'm a hypocrite and I expect people to remember that, but I repeat it over and over again, like I'm trying to convince myself. I'm proud to be an individual but I have like no self confidence. I bitch about bitchy people but by bitching I'm just being a bitch myself. I'm motivated by competition and I love being the best, but whenever I top somebody I feel horrible and suddenly it doesn't feel good anymore. I bitch about people not doing their work in group projects, but when I'm alone I'm always procrastinating. It's like tearing back and forth, and I can't quite figure out what the hell I [i]want[/i]. I said I wouldn't analyze myself anymore but check it. I'm so fickle.
|
|
|
| |
| Moving On |
| 02.01.04 (6:56 pm) [edit] |
It's really weird how much older I feel now than I did just a few months ago. It's like I'm my own person now, and nobody can tell me how to think anymore. I've changed a lot, like everybody does, and sometimes I don't like what I've become. But there's nothing I can do. I just gotta make the most of who I am right now.
I've been watching for a long time, seeing how lives change... [i]or don't change[/i]... once I disappear from them, hoping that maybe somebody really misses me. But you know, in the end, everybody moves on. You don't really have a choice, cause you gotta do the same thing.
Suddenly I feel like I'm ready to let go of what I once had and just accept where I am now. I just feel ready to jump in and go with the flow, and try to shape my life with what I have until I get what I need, instead of waiting until I have what I need to shape my life. There's a difference between being alone... and being [i]lonely[/i].
You know, technically the exams I just took are the last exams I ever have to take. Colleges don't look at your second semester, so I've heard, so I don't have to worry as much about it. I just gotta focus on passing so I can graduate. I'm going onto the final six months. It feels... very strange, like it's the end and the start of something at the same time, and it's not just me graduating high school... It's in all aspects of my life. [i]I just feel ready.[/i]
|
|
|
| |
| Extraordinary |
| 02.01.04 (6:27 pm) [edit] |
[i]I am extraordinary
If you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary
I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane pyscho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane pyscho[/i]
I'm addicted to Liz Phair.
|
|
|
| |
|
|
