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| Ice Cream Float for You and You |
| 07.31.04 (3:44 pm) [edit] |
Loneliness in a box.
I slept a bit after 6AM and woke up at 9AM. Checked my laptop, Frank logged off at 8:24... Went back to sleep and woke up at noon. Got up and went downstairs to see everyone dressed and making sandwiches, they asked me if I wanted to go to the beach with them. I did, but after eating breakfast (yes, breakfast at noon) my stomach felt so fucked up I really wasn't up to it. Checked in the mirror, I looked eerily skinny. I cried when they left. I felt so lonely and wanted to be near them.
Anyway, they made me a sandwich and put it in the fridge, saying, "You'd better eat. If you skip a meal again, we'll know."
So, I just ate it, and for the first time since Frank came in January, I have an ice cream float. Except, it's Pepsi. We've been lacking soda in the house for like a month, this stuff tastes so good. Mmmm.
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| Nostalgic for Nsider |
| 07.30.04 (9:07 am) [edit] |
What is it about Nsider that's so special... Most people I talk to have a lot of special memories from the place, and the friends I've made in there are some of my closest, despite only seeing them once a week at the time. We still keep in touch and it's quite amazing to watch them grow up.
But what was it about Nsider...?
It's amazing how so many people formed close friendships in there, amazing how many people've changed cause of that place, what lives were saved, what problems were solved, amazing how people found love in there, amazing what happened cause of a little Nintendo chat room that opened three hours a day, five days a week.
I don't know. It's just crazy for some reason, I'm having trouble believing it. I only went there for an hour each week so it was a bit difficult making friends but I still managed to become a familiarity to several.
You know, I still wonder about people I haven't seen since then.
Toad. When I first got on Nsider I messaged him because I loved Toad, and the lucky guy got the name. We kept in touch for a year entirely by messaging. XD Very intelligent and nice person.
Joe aka Sorcerer212. So enthusiastic and nice. Course he has his limits. XD "I am SICK of hearing about this Rachel/SFR/SarahOak love triangle!" Lmao. I miss him, we spoke on ICQ a couple times, but that was years ago.
I've never been close to the Bungalow people but it was somewhere to go while I was lonely, comforting listening to them talk. Like I said, it's hard to make friends when you're a once-a-week kind of person and everyone else is running off with their super close buddies. Bungalow people... PeppyHare, Korts, LightWarrior5, etc...
Ah! OMG! GoronMoron! "Goron Moron the moronic goron!" And me, Sorc, SFR, and the exploding oatmeal and the french fries in the Bungalow.
I walked in on SFR kissing some other girl under the mistletoe once, and he told me to "Please go back to the lawn?" and it COULD have easily hit me if I thought about it. But I refused to think about it, and just shrugged and went back.
I figured it out later though.
"So you've got this little love triangle going on."
"...It's more like a pentagon."
"Ah, I knew Callista and Misty were in there somewhere."
Ding ding! I felt like a genius.
Blah, blah, blah.
Doggirl was really nice. I liked her a lot.
Alright. I just have to wonder about this person here. BOMBERMAN! I forgot his whole screenname, was it BombermanGold or was that Frank's Bomberman name... I can't remember. Anyway, the instant we spotted eachother as Bomberman and Sirius we glared and snarled at eachother, then went at it and started fighting. He was trying to kick my "balls" but I was like, "Um, I don't have any?" And suddenly that fighting turned into flirting. And then Bomberman and Sirius became friends.
BITROCK told SFR I used to live in California. I started getting paranoid. I lived in Thailand at the time but I didn't want anyone to know anything about me. But for some reason I told BITROCK I was from CA.
"Drop the Animorph act, will you?" - SFRUSHER.
"I'm sorry. I can't."
Bnater... Bnater kissed SFR. He privately messaged me and was like, "She kissed me! Aren't you going to do something about it?" and expected me to stand up for him. So I threatened her... but only a little... and I said sorry, and she said sorry, and then we were cool.
There was someone else I spoke to a lot. I can't remember who he was. Pyro something? No... his name had SOMETHING to do with fire though, I can't remember! Aaahhh!
Naaaaaro! I only have one memory of this guy. Fighting with him. He was, uh, very competitive.
NoaTravis is fucking crazy but he's so cool... XD
"Hey Navi, I saw your butt the other day."
"WHAT?!?"
"Yeah, there was this kid named NaviesButt, he was walking around here."
"Great, so my butt is a GUY?"
OMG. I was Navi2064 at that moment, I was so... grr, I wanted to get off the subject. XD
"Is that how you get a fairy to like you? Feed her poptarts?! T_T *toasts a poptart for Navi2064*" - girl whose name I can't remember.
Mike, aka L186. Somewhat of an online boyfriend, but not really? Like, we'd started dating online, then it just sorta fell through.
I remember other random guys hitting on me then disappearing after a day. Goddamn all the guys who hit on me disappear after a day, am I that scary?
"What do guys look for in a girl?"
"Depends on the girl..."
"I'm looking for a nice girl... you seem like a nice girl."
"We've just met."
Me and Gabriel still talk. We've written letters to each other before, have eachother's addresses and everything.
Laurie is one of my closest Nsider friends, we go way back... both of us were in Hyrule Legends Beyond and Ganondorf's Revenge, and GR is another one of those amazing places where you form tight bonds with people. But it's funny thinking about how me and Laurie both came from Nsider and ended up at GR with each other. Two in one?
Jonathan aka Gush. I don't talk to him anymore. Last time I spoke to him on AIM we were like, "If there's ever a Rush Hour 3, we're gonna meet and go see it." I doubt he remembers that though. First person I ever met on Nsider. =)
Mike aka SFRUSHER. I speak to him whenever I do get on AIM, we still talk and whatever happened in the past is loooong over, no grudges, no grudges at all. But we're always happy to talk to each other and stuff.
James. If it weren't for Frank I'd never see this guy again, honestly. It's nice having him on my MSN list, even though we only speak to exchange a line or two, which usually turns out being, "I like your screen name." I dunno why, but everytime I see an awesome screen name I check to see who's it is, and it always turns out to be him. XP I like his style. This guy used to intimidate me cause he seemed so wise, but at the same time, he seems very... peaceful. I dunno. I respect him a lot though.
I don't really speak to Arien anymore. But, you know, we never talked in Nsider, just seen each other around and stuff. I have a song named after him, though? XD
And needless to mention...
Frank! My lovie. ^^
We weren't particularly close in Nsider, but he still has that same comfy intelligent aura around him now as he did back then (interesting, isn't it?) And that was quite an attractive aura... but... yeah, we didn't start talking til years later, you know what's happening with us now. =3
Last but not least.
JASON!!!!!!!!!!
We've been exchanging emails and it's HIS fault I'm rambling about Nsider. It's so awesome watching people grow and what they choose to do with their lives... I miss this guy. I guess what really hit me the most was that he told me if I'm ever in the Orange County area, drop him a line and we can go for lunch or something and talk about Nsider, the present, future, whatever... it just felt so amazing to hear that.
So, honestly, how does a little Nintendo chat room have that kinda impact on people?
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| Xanga | 72704 |
| 07.27.04 (11:24 am) [edit] |
What happened last night is still a little fuzzy to me... I think I fell asleep on webcam while talking to Frank. I remember waking up and seeing some messages he left before he went to bed, but I can't remember exactly what he'd said. But I love waking up to his wonderful words that make me feel comfy and cozy and everything... hehehe.
I keep thinking about his last visit. Every morning I'd wake up and find myself in his arms, and it'd feel so good. Okay, so I'd be waking up to an alarm telling me to get the hell back into my room, but it was so peaceful and perfect falling asleep in eachother's arms...
Mario Kart 64. Omfg. I don't think we'll ever get over our Mario Kart rivalry, we keep tying during racing. And we're pretty mean to eachother too, we aim to do whatever it takes to specifically put each other into racing misery. Well, not really. We could've been meaner, but then it'd just be unpleasant and no fun anymore. Come on Frank, I KNOW you must've been holding back. At least twice.
Hehehe, the untouched Nintendo 64 set-up. He's the green controller and I'm gray. Aww, look our controllers even love eachother, the're snuggling. =)
"No Such Thing" by John Mayer should be the high school graduation theme song. It's so awesome.
"Welcome to the real world," she said to me,
Condescendingly,
"Take a seat.
Take your life, plot it out in black and white."
Well, I never lived the dream of the prom kings and the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me still had it up my sleeve
They love to tell you,
"Stay inside the lines"
But something's better on the other side
I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found there's no such thing as the "real world"
Just a lie you've got to rise above
So the good boys and girls take the so-called "right track"
Faded white hats,
Grabbing credits and maybe transfers
They read all the books but they can't find the answers
And all of our parents, they're getting older
I wonder if they've wished for anything better
While in their memories
Tiny tragedies
They love to tell you,
"Stay inside the lines"
But something's better on the other side
I am invincible so long as I'm alive
I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found there's no such thing as the "real world"
Just a lie you've got to rise above
I just can't wait til my ten year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you,
You will know what all this time was for
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| Hmm |
| 07.25.04 (12:37 pm) [edit] |
... Mew ...
If there's something life has been trying to teach me, it's definitely that nothing is ever what you expect it to be...
Sometimes it feels like I have a personal guide inside me, a voice that isn't my own, sort of helping me realize things. Every time I kinda hope or expect that something's going to happen, the voice tells me, "Expect nothing. You never know how things are going to turn out."
So I end up expecting that it's not going to turn out how I expected it, and then I'm right - it turns out totally different.
I trust myself less and less... I think my way of thinking and reasoning is just fucked up. I can't predict anything, I don't understand social cues, everything makes sense to me in a different way. And I've always tried to be an understanding person, but... how can I be an understanding person if I can't understand anything?
More and more lost...
When I was little, I felt like the last person to understand anything teachers told me... I don't think I was dumb or anything, just, what they'd say wouldn't make sense to me. My head was always in the clouds and things wouldn't occur to me right away. I was a really careful person so I needed extremely simple, extremely detailed step-by-step instructions. I was always afraid of messing up, always feeling lost, I was too shy and scared of a person to make any assumptions about what to do on my own. I needed guidance...
Plus, my "assumptions" got me into trouble a lot... seems like I'd fall into every hole, if a piece of information wasn't specific enough. You'd think I could figure it out, eh...
And... my head is STILL in the clouds.
5th grade - wrote little stories and stuff when my parent's backs were turned. Their thoughts? "OMG the poor kid, in elementary school and having to do homework until 9:30 every night..." Although, Weibel Elementary IS considered the best in the area, and there IS a large amount of homework. I got study hall about three times... it's when you miss two homework assignments during the week...
Was in advanced math for the first time ever... didn't do too well, I was doing B level work. I remember a worksheet about quarters I spent hours doing, because I was drawing all the quarters in full detail, and my dad was yelling at me about how the MATH was the important part, not the artwork, and I should've just drawn a circle with a "25" in it instead of illustrating the president's heads and writing the words and all that shit. Lol. BUT the next day the teacher used my paper as a good example saying the quarters were really good, and then I was happy.
But I loved writing little stories and illustrating them...
Everytime I played piano I'd fantasize a mini-story to go with the song I was playing... needless to say, I loved playing piano for that reason.
Had the most friends I'd ever had at one point in time... Big group to hang out with during lunch, and random other people in different social cliques. I always had someone to tag along with. Quite fun.
Got really, REALLY into Nintendo 64. Was setting Mario Kart time trial records like crazy. XD Kicking all the guy's asses in VS mode. Trust me, they got cocky and tried.
Began wishing to live in an alternate world like a videogame, where everything was exciting, started becoming dissatisfied with everyday life...
Started having private, deep thoughts for the first time.
6th grade - One of the many new kids in Thailand, nothing special. Missed California very much... Still very much into Nintendo 64, had strange dreams involving the entire Mario cast, don't even ask... I was quite the dreamer, lost in my own thoughts all the time and wishing I could be somewhere else. I had a small group of friends, we were the short small cute skinny girls from all around the world. I was introduced to MIDI and keyboarding. Started trying to figure out how to play videogame songs on the piano. I was listening to the Koopa Troopa Beach theme from MK64 one day (my fav song at the time), and suddenly I was like, "OMG. This song has a BASS. And DRUMS." Those things NEVER occured to me before.
7th grade - Became extremely independant. Procrastinated a lot, acted really nice and natural and didn't care what people thought... still maintained my shyness/reservedness... (several people started crushing on me... it appears my 9th grade boyfriend had his eye on me before I even knew who he was) Started going on Nsider. Dated SFRUSHER online. (Got asked out by 7 other guys online.) Completely lost in my own head, just me and the videogames, the pinnacle of my videogaming years, setting nifty records I can't even beat today. Always fantasizing and making up stories. REALLY INTO BOMBERMAN 64. (And that's how I started talking to Frank!) Middle of 7th grade, I remember telling Selena Pang in publications class, "I think I have a crush on somebody..."
Oh yah, I got my keyboard and started doing my MIDI crap as a side hobby. Teachers knew me to be a good writer, wanted me to pursue it in high school via journalism, publications, etc.
Read books all the time. Me and Steph = English teacher pets. Not because we were super good students, but because we were crazy and always had creative ideas and stuff. We just got along with him really well. He's a CRAZY one.
Animorph freak too, now I can't figure out why.
I was quite the dreamer... deep in thought all the time... my English teacher was the first person who got me to admit that I'd finally found this "alternate world" I was searching for... a world where everything was... carefree...
8th grade - Pok: first boyfriend. Began designing and drawing characters. Begin my biggest fetish ever -ZELDA: OCARINA OF TIME. MIDI-making skills were teh awesomeness. I don't even understand how I managed to make those anymore.
9th grade - Taro: second boyfriend. GPA: awesome. Composed my first official song. Teacher was blown away. Drew characters for fun on the side. Composed LOTS of songs.
First deep conversation with anybody, ever... Frank... he made me realize that I wasn't weird, I wasn't alone, everyone has their own little world where they get lost in thought... and it was perfectly okay...
And I felt so good talking to him, he was the best... however... I'd get frightened and uncomfortable everytime we did or hinted at anything somewhat flirtatious... I remember screaming "STOP!" on accident. XD
........
LOL, WHY the fuck am I rambling about all that?!??!???
Wow, I really got carried away with rambling...
Serious, major rambling...
I'ma stop before my head hurts.
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| Gray Appeal |
| 07.22.04 (4:17 pm) [edit] |
I really don't know why cigarettes have sex appeal. I think smoking is bad for you and it smells shitty too, but it looks comforting for some reason. Of course, under normal stances people don't look sexy at all when they're smoking. I don't know how to explain it, the cigarette has to be there under certain circumstances in order to look appealing. But given the right camera angles, it's pretty appealing.
I guess I'm a little too open-minded sometimes.
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| Love is Oxygen |
| 07.22.04 (12:32 am) [edit] |
LOVING ONE. You need safety in your relationship.
You want to be sure in his/her arms, knowing
that he will protect you and you can be totally
devoted to your other. At this point you are
very vulnerable. You open yourself and dont
even think that he/she could cheat you. You
totally trust your partner in every single way.
SO if you find out that she/he lied to you or
played a game this trust is broken. You may try
to forgive your other but this will be very
difficult.He/She has to be friendly and
trustworthy.
PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.
You can always message me or tell me how I can
improve that quiz. Ill sure write back.
~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla
You are the Aqua Marine Mermaid. You are pure and
brave. Strong and True. Your best freind is
your seahorse, your steed. You have fought many
battles in your own life and in the sea. No
matter what challenge you overcome it.
Congratulations there are very few of you.
Would you rate my quiz for I am brave too?
What kind of mermaid are you? (Gorgeous Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
You have a Lost Soul. No one is really sure what
that can always mean, because it can be defined
in many ways. As Legend goes, lost souls were
the spirits of passed away people who are
neither in heaven nor hell. They walk the
earth, brooding mysteriously, always appearing
when you expect it least. So hence, if you have
a Lost Soul, then you are probably very
insecure and shy. Stuck in your own little box,
you watch the world fly by as a loner. You dont
know your place. You seemingly dont have a
place in society or an interest. You are a very
capricious person, and are confused and
frustrated about where you belong. You crave
for the sense and feeling of home-but have not
obtained it yet.
What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla
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| OMG |
| 07.21.04 (11:57 pm) [edit] |
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Can I say this in my journal? Is it okay? I don't want to freak anyone out, you know. I am compelled to write the words, "I'm horny" despite this being my blog where everyone can read it. Well, I am. Sigh. Gomen nasai.
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| Wanna Be Messed |
| 07.21.04 (6:23 pm) [edit] |
I am in the mood to argue with somebody.
Not some stupid debate on politics or something.
I'm in the mood to hurt and be hurt. I wanna scream at someone, I wanna be screamed at, I wanna be abused and I want to strike back.
It's something I'd never admit. But I'm admitting it now. I'm getting dizzy and my eyes are hazing over. Bring it on, I want it, I want to be knocked out. I want to feel so much hate that love explodes out of it, then I want to feel all the love in the world, I wanna release everything and cry for days and days engulfed in pain and love and everything at the same time.
I want to feel things. Come on, don't be shy. I'm bored.
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| Hatred |
| 07.21.04 (6:17 pm) [edit] |
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I do, I do... I want it... I want more... I want it all. I want to feel it all. What are you waiting for? Let me have it. Give it your best shot.
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| The Other Truth Is... |
| 07.21.04 (5:45 pm) [edit] |
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I can't tell you! Heehee!
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| The Unknowns |
| 07.21.04 (5:41 pm) [edit] |
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Still thinking about Kingdom Heart's id theory... what if we really were like that... what if my shell was cast off into oblivion... and my heart taken... my soul transcending into the unknown world where I take the form of a...
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| The Truth Is... |
| 07.21.04 (5:32 pm) [edit] |
I'm fat. Shut up.
But that's not why I stop eating. I stop eating because I just don't know what else to do, everything around me, why do I put up with this everyday, I hate hate hate that thing I see what I look into a mirror I hate everything I hate you and you and you the more love I feel the more hate I feel towards everything else. I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I HATE you. Go away and leave me alone, please. I HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING I think everyone should DIE and have a happy afterlife. I think everything should burn. Burn. Burn. PLEASE leave me alone, what are you and why do you do this? Why do I have to feel like this, what did I do, is this my compensation at last...
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| Everything |
| 07.21.04 (5:31 pm) [edit] |
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It's starting to tear me apart... it's all tearing me apart... I can't keep doing this... it hurts so much... stop it... just go away and leave me alone, I don't want to think, I just want to be happy... I can't... can't be happy unless I think... thinking makes me sad... what to do...
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| UCD Schedule |
| 07.21.04 (3:21 pm) [edit] |
Mmm, toasty.
MONDAY
11:00 - 11:50 - Elementary Musicianship
12:10PM - 1:00PM - Elementary Theory
7:10PM - 10:00PM - General Chem
Not intelligent, I'd have to wake up early on Tuesday after sleeping late on Monday. I mean, I do much worse than that when I'm at home anyway, but I get cranky if I don't get enough sleep.
TUESDAY
7:30 - 8:50 - General Chem
4:30PM - 6:00PM - Freshmen Seminar
6:10PM - 8:00PM - Expository Writing
WEDNESDAY
8:00 - 8:50 - General Chem
11:00 - 11:50 - Elementary Musicianship
12:10PM - 1:00PM - Elementary Theory
THURSDAY
7:30 - 8:50 - General Chem
6:10PM - 8:00PM - Expository Writing
FRIDAY
11:00 - 11:50 - Elementary Musicianship
12:10PM - 1:00PM - Elementary Theory
So there you have it. 5 classes, 16 credits.
I would've taken an art class instead of Freshmen Seminar, but all of the art classes were SOLIDLY BOOKED. [sniffle] As for the two music classes, they're required to be taken "concurrently." Sucks, eh?
But, yeah... my Fridays look wide open and beautiful, at least it seems that way, maybe if I'm not busy I can just head on home that day. I mean, I dunno how busy people are in college. I hope it's not too bad.
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| Speculations of Unfelt Pain |
| 07.21.04 (1:06 am) [edit] |
...But by not giving in, not letting yourself feel it again and again a thousand times over a thousand times worse, you won't, and can't, cry.
...Some days it's all so exhausting. Too tired to utter "wait..." too weak to moan "don't go..." too messed up trapped and confused to say "I need you this much."
...Where does it all go? When am I going to be here where does the time go to waste, is it ever wasted on nothingness?
...And why the fuck is my life centered around one thing?
...Entirely around one thing?
...Three days straight thinking about one thing, one thing only and it was there in my grasp but it wasn't, it's gone, what did I do why did I waste it what the fuck what the fuck.
...A dryness in the throat, and I can't talk to you. My voice hurts my head is dizzy I can't just can't.
...Oh, I can't feel this, I can't keep doing this.
...Fresh as I am. Powerful as I am. New like me. Suppressed as it is. It's there, I feel it, it's so there, ouch, heavy, it stings.
...Tonight is not the night to give in.
...Tonight is not the night to give out.
...Tonight is just another night.
...For the first time in a long time, a day, despite its many unique objects happenings events, feels like nothing.
...For the first time nothing is amusing a wonderful day in two minutes has turned into a day of nothingness.
...Feels like nothing happened today.
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| Xanga Love |
| 07.21.04 (12:45 am) [edit] |
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Heh. Unfortunately I do post pictures all over my Xanga. XD I feel more comfortable doing that there than here.
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| Xanga | 72104 |
| 07.21.04 (12:43 am) [edit] |
OMG, jealousy. FEEL THE WRATH OF MY JEALOUSY! I hate anyone who went back to Thailand and got to hang out with everybody... But I got to hang out with Steph in April in LA so I can't complain... that was so kickass it made up for everything else.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Hey, SHPLAID!"
"(Shiggaty shiggaty shwa)"
"Guess what, idiot?"
"What is it?"
Looky where I've been for the last three days!
"WRONG!"
"Yeah, you like that!"
UC DAVIS!
"Shut up."
Summer Advising Program. I had fun, I was kinda like, "neato, I wouldn't mind living here, I think..." My orientation roomates were Erin, Allison, and Jennifer. Last night all of us were up until like 2 AM trying to pick out our classes and it sucked. I couldn't get up for breakfast the next day so I skipped out.
"The game is called Mario Twins! They look so goddamn the same like the same person, I say to them you want ice cream, both of them say yes."
I met so many people... Allison is a physics major, Erin is a linguistics major, Jennifer is a political science major, Cheryl is a psychology/animal biology major, Elizabeth is totally undeclared, etc etc... too many people to remember right now...
I'm such a freshman though, me and some other random people were all walking around holding maps trying to find the coffee house and this girl was like, "Are you guys lost?" and I said, "We're trying to find the MU." She was like, "Well, it's the other way." And we felt dumb. XD But hey. We ish teh disgusting frosh.
I'm sleepy.
I leave you with this: my first GIF animation! Yah it's super simple but I like it, and I use it as my siggy on Gaia.
Yea, my avatar has pink hair. Shut up.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Random UCD info.
+ You actually do need a bike license.
+ You seriously CAN get a ticket for speeding on a bike.
+ There's this bike circle and freshmen typically don't know how to get around it, cause the turn is too tight or they turn the wrong way or something. Upper classmen actually bring out lawn chairs to watch the freshmen crash into each other the first week of school.
+ Ducks. Enough said.
+ Freshman 15: freshmen gain 15 lbs their first year. My summer advisor gained 45.
+ Freshman Stripe: get a fender for your bike, or avoid puddles at all costs.
+ Temperature: Fucking hot, and fucking cold. It's inland, so it's very different than the Bay Area.
Well, I'm scared.
Mew. ^^;
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| Xanga | 71704 |
| 07.21.04 (12:42 am) [edit] |
Saturday, July 17, 2004
I'm going to the UCD Summer Advising Program tomorrow. It's like a two-and-a-half day orientation. And I don't want to go. Because I'm scared... scared that I'll be the only person who doesn't have friends there and stuff... and I know a lot of people won't have friends there, but a lot of times... they do. And then I get to feel left out again, because I'm a freakazoid loser who can't socialize and has no friends as it is. But whatever, I don't care. I gotta do the white and black laundry before I go, cause I need my favorite shirts for comfort.
And I'm SICK of my parents nagging me about it. Argh, they don't talk to me about anything except that. I try to tell them things about my life and me and little things I find amusing and they either don't listen or tell me I'm wrong in my opinions, so I stop talking. Then the only thing we talk about is the most intense subject that's lead us to fights and running away and yelling and all that crap: SCHOOL. Goddammit.
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PICCIE TIME! My two favorite screencaps from Frankie's webcam. ^^ And best of all sexy's computer is screwed up so he can't get to Xanga, ergo he won't see what I'm saying about him behind his back. [giggles]
Teh secksi!
On the phone. WITH ME. [kekeke]
You know... when I see him smile in real life... I just have to smile too. It makes me want to melt into his arms and go, "Oh Frankie, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind--" ... oy, not quite to that extent. But he has the best smile ever, and seeing it just... makes me really happy, like everything's perfect and warm and cozy. And pictures don't do it justice.
AND...
W00t!!! CHICO!!! ^^
Don't tell me this isn't the CUTEST picture you've ever seen, because there's an extremely cute puppy there with my lovable sexy boyfriend. Whenever I'm having a bad day I'll just open this picture and it will make me smile. <3>
You know... my cat likes him. Either that or he's jealous of Frank. Or both. Seems like whenever me and Frank are together that little rascal always finds a way to be with us. We're cuddling on the couch and Reddy squeezes in with us and lays there, so the three of us are like sleeping on the couch. Or me and Frank are cuddling on the couch because nobody's around and the cat comes down and sits there with this, "I'm WATCHING you." look on his face. Or, other things, I will not mention.
Okay. I'm getting pretty tired now. I'm going to eat breakfast and hope my metabolism isn't screwed up.
Public - 11:32 AM - 10 guilty consciences - 5 accusations - edit it - email it
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| Boom Boom Boom |
| 07.17.04 (9:01 am) [edit] |
Ah, I knew those explosions from last night and this morning must've been something!
You hear "Duel of the Fates." You know they're watching Star Wars.
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| Deep Dive |
| 07.16.04 (9:58 pm) [edit] |
A lot of people have different theories on the mysterious Kingdom Hearts trailer, "Another Side, Another Story [Deep Dive]" and it gets frustrating reading them after awhile because nothing is certain. I thought these two speculations were really cool though.
By Big Thinker:
I have a new theory of who the characters are. I have seen many coincidences in the two movies. Every single character in the two movies are already known. The Dual Wielding Person is no other than Sora. He had a sort of blonde hair but had some shade of brown. There are many times where the thickness of hair changes in Japanese movies or games when they get older. It is definitely Sora doing all those moves. Since it was confirmed that one of the people of the movies was definitely Riku, it would have to be the blindfolded person because when the light was shown to Riku in the first game he shielded his eyes. So now he wears the blindfold. You know that glowing eyed unknown, also Riku, EXCEPT WITHOUT THE BLINDFOLD it is almost too simple (God help me if I'm wrong). So we covered three of the four different people in the two movies. Riku is the blindfolded one and the glowy eyed one, Sora is the dual wielding one, and the sitting one is (tatarata)Kairi. I am almost perfectly sure that this is Kairi. The part where a mature Kairi walks up to the beach to see a meteor...long hair. The sitting unkown doesn't show his/her hair. It is the perfect way to show that it CAN be Kairi and it is. Kairi is the one that asks Riku that "he" looks just like you. Kairi is talking about how Sora and Riku are very similar. So the blindfolded one and the glowy eyed one is Riku, the dual wielding one is Sora, and the sitting one is Kairi. The characters are all the same as the first ones with SOME new stuff. No Dark Sora Light Sora crap. I just don't think its that complicated. Hey! If I'm wrong, forgive me all of you I'm just showing you what I think when I see those movies.
By doomweasel:
This theory is based solely on ASAS - specifically, one word that pops up during it. When I watched all those phrases and words flashing by during ASAS, trying my best not to have a seziure from all the flashing lights, the word "ID" caught my eye. At first I thought it referred to the abbreviation "I.D." as in "identification," but then I realized that didn't make any sense. Instead, I believe that "ID" refers to the most basic part of the human subconscious, which is called the id. The id is responsible for basic needs and communication - i.e., when a baby needs food the id makes her cry. The id is also responsible for the primitive social and sexual drives. So what does this have to do with Kingdom Hearts 2? Since the Heartless are formed from the darkness in people's hearts and the Shadows are made from the body once the heart is stolen, the Nobody can't be either of those manifestations. Instead, I believe they are literally the id made flesh - they physically represent the primitive, animalistic urges present within all humans. This would make them very easy to control - give them food or something shiny and they'll do whatever you want, thus becoming the perfect minions for any aspiring evildoer. Another possibility is that the Unknowns are somehow related to the id. Just as the conscious has several layers to it (the id, ego, and super-ego), perhaps all the remarkably similar-looking Unknowns running around are just different layers of consciousness to one person. Of course, this is just speculation on my part.
Was the id theory not the coolest KH theory ever!??!
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| Earthquake |
| 07.12.04 (1:05 am) [edit] |
Shaking...
Been shaking...
I'm not even sure why anymore. Cold? Nervous? Sad? Horror? Tired? ...Weak?
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| So Prophetic |
| 07.10.04 (5:44 pm) [edit] |
Oh, the irony. Conversation extracts from Winter 2001. TWO THOUSAND ONE. Almost three YEARS ago, when I was a Sophomore still living in Thailand... I read these and laugh.
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fijem_arocyn (10:13:17 PM): You wont be shy around me
sirius64 (10:13:29 PM): if you thwap me with a feather who knows ^_~
fijem_arocyn (10:13:42 PM): lol
fijem_arocyn (10:13:45 PM): I dont have any feathers
fijem_arocyn (10:13:56 PM): but I'll hug you as soon as I meet'ya
sirius64 (10:15:04 PM): never know... whenever I see ya.. probly at the airport or sumfin
sirius64 (10:15:17 PM): I wonder whether I'd grin & walk to ya or just... RUN
fijem_arocyn (10:15:32 PM): grin & walk
fijem_arocyn (10:15:35 PM):
sirius64 (10:15:45 PM): Walking's fine, grinning while walking I do but I don't like
fijem_arocyn (10:15:52 PM): lol
fijem_arocyn (10:15:57 PM): trust me, you'll smile
fijem_arocyn (10:16:00 PM): no matter what
fijem_arocyn (10:16:01 PM):
sirius64 (10:16:05 PM): uncontrollable smile
fijem_arocyn (10:16:14 PM): yup
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fijem_arocyn (11:35:23 PM): I'd like to kiss you for...
fijem_arocyn (11:35:27 PM): a ... long time lol
sirius64 (11:35:41 PM): you'd need to show me how cause I've never been kissed
fijem_arocyn (11:35:55 PM): regular kisses
fijem_arocyn (11:35:57 PM): are just
fijem_arocyn (11:35:58 PM): natural
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sirius64 (04:10:05 AM): you know... when I'm in my senior year...
sirius64 (04:10:14 AM): I am dragging you here
fijem_arocyn (04:10:24 AM): lol
sirius64 (04:10:25 AM): and you're going to the prom with me
sirius64 (04:10:28 AM): ^_^
fijem_arocyn (04:10:49 AM): I'll have to get a tuxedo & make sure to get into even better shape
sirius64 (04:10:54 AM): lol!
sirius64 (04:10:57 AM): you'll be 16
fijem_arocyn (04:11:00 AM): an almost ripped out guy coming to the dance, dark, tall...
fijem_arocyn (04:11:06 AM): With a tuxedo!
sirius64 (04:11:23 AM): ;D
fijem_arocyn (04:11:33 AM): I wonder what people'll say
sirius64 (04:12:18 AM): "Oh my gawd! Who's the hot guy?! He's not from our school is he?"
fijem_arocyn (04:12:24 AM): lol
sirius64 (04:12:26 AM):
fijem_arocyn (04:12:29 AM): you're allowed to bring "visitors"?
sirius64 (04:12:32 AM): ;P
sirius64 (04:12:34 AM): yeah you are
fijem_arocyn (04:12:39 AM): well
fijem_arocyn (04:13:12 AM): "Hello Everyone!!! My name is FRANK! I am from LITERALLY half way around the world! I've come for this gorgeous girl!"
sirius64 (04:14:14 AM): lol! you'd be convincing if you wiped off the last sentence
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And there's more, but, those are PRIVATE! And we don't want to go scaring the little kids now. We're scary people.
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| Disneyland Shopaholic |
| 07.10.04 (12:09 pm) [edit] |
Yes, sadly this is why my wallet was so full when I went to LA - so I could shop at Disneyland. Seriously, they have the coolest stuff! I spent about, um, a lot. But that's okay, I still have over 300$ from graduation.
Alright, so what did I blow my money on:
+ Grey Pirates of the Carribean t-shirt
+ Spiffy PoTC keychain [which I'm sending to Frank]
+ The Nightmare Before Christmas pins [pinned 'em all on my backpack XD]
+ Snow White lingerie [haha. sorta. it's really cute though]
+ Alice in Wonderland bag [OMG it's so cool you gotta see it!]
+ Princess tiara [we all went crazy and bought hats]
+ Magic wand [glowy thingy to use at night]
My sister was the coolest though, she bought Captain Hook's hat and one of those cheap light-up sabers, we all got glowy thingies to use at night. I was the fairy and she was the pirate, we tried to fight and stuff but her sword was heXXa long so it wasn't fair.
I still have enough in my wallet to get my Trapt CD....
And everything else I'm going to put into my savings account, I've indulged enough and I don't want to use anymore.
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| Blah |
| 07.10.04 (11:48 am) [edit] |
So, I acted like a baby for about 10 minutes before slamming the laptop screen shut, then laid there for another 30 acting like a baby again. Well, the opposite of a baby really, cause babies only cry for their own reasons, and I wasn't crying for my own selfish reasons.
You know... I'm talking to two single friends right now, and something just CLICKED. These two people have been desperately searching for a significant other, and sometimes it'd be all they talked about... One's a guy, one's a girl, they're about the same age, the guy is probably a year or two older. I don't plan to set them up or introduce them or anything, but I laugh because this has never occured to me before.
I look around me and I start to wonder what kind of friends I have, what kind of people I keep in touch with. Sometimes I look around and all I see is strangeness around me, strangeness that I can't grasp and understand no matter how hard I try. I'm not normal enough for normal people but I'm too normal for people who aren't normal, at least that's what most non-normal people keep stressing when they use me as an example of a normal person, and I'm gullible so I really don't know what to think, and when I surround myself with these people I feel things are impossible. And then I wonder how I landed myself in the middle of all these angsty friends and it starts dragging me down, all I feel is pain and sadness...
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| Back At Home |
| 07.10.04 (12:06 am) [edit] |
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And Sam the hobbit said, "Well, I'm back."
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| The Love Letter |
| 07.01.04 (5:13 pm) [edit] |
I'm proud of this, so I'm going to show it off. ^^ It's been a long time since I've done any art on the computer.
Remember me raving a long time ago about how I talk to myself in my blog sometimes and how I wanted to turn those into visual journal entries? Usually there's a more cynical voice [which I named Haku] and a hopeful one [which I named Rikaru]. This is Rikaru, illustrated while thinking of that...
Check out my DA gallery for stock photo credits.
Yay, I'm so happy. ^^
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